Why?
Three days with headaches and then comes the migraine. Motherfucker.
It was so bad I didn't even notice the spelling error. >_<
Fixed it :D
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
it comes and goes in waves
don't strike me down
i hate hitting this ground.
stop the possessing
stop the obsessing
cease these thoughts that tire me.
allow the bliss to enfold me
i want to get tangled up in the way of ease.
i want my fingers to run freely and unravel from my thumbs.
tweedledee, tweedledum
why must i be chained to the pillar?
cut these binds; they are visible only to you.
i wish to be free.
mirror just break.
each stumble scrapes, and tears cause rivers.
i don't want to be given wings to have them chiseled away once i reach the sky.
why come back here, it's not the starting point but certainly not the end.
let me go.
let me rise and never return.
We were meant to stumble and cry but only to continue
mirror I ask, let me go.
i hate hitting this ground.
stop the possessing
stop the obsessing
cease these thoughts that tire me.
allow the bliss to enfold me
i want to get tangled up in the way of ease.
i want my fingers to run freely and unravel from my thumbs.
tweedledee, tweedledum
why must i be chained to the pillar?
cut these binds; they are visible only to you.
i wish to be free.
mirror just break.
each stumble scrapes, and tears cause rivers.
i don't want to be given wings to have them chiseled away once i reach the sky.
why come back here, it's not the starting point but certainly not the end.
let me go.
let me rise and never return.
We were meant to stumble and cry but only to continue
mirror I ask, let me go.
Pseudo Convos
regarding tabling
Pseudo: Do you want to leave together so we can hold hands on the way there? ;) lol. Jk. But seriously, do you want to leave together?
made me pull this face --> >_<
Pseudo: Do you want to leave together so we can hold hands on the way there? ;) lol. Jk. But seriously, do you want to leave together?
made me pull this face --> >_<
Monday, April 25, 2011
R2 and Juice
 | ||||||
| Bulba likes hanging out with R2 :) |
 |
| One of the worst moments is watching your juice slowly dwindle down to it's last drops. |
Goodmorning starshine the Earth says hello!
Hello fellow viewers.
Today I finally succeeded in adding my formspring. If you look to the right side underneath MY BLOG LIST you will see Formspring :) . Click on it and it will lead you to my formspring. Fell free to ask me questions. Make requests. Bash my work. I'll take all of the above and much more.
ALSO! My friend has a blog titled For the Lack of a Better Blog. I encourage all of you to check it out :)
-ChesterYaYa
Today I finally succeeded in adding my formspring. If you look to the right side underneath MY BLOG LIST you will see Formspring :) . Click on it and it will lead you to my formspring. Fell free to ask me questions. Make requests. Bash my work. I'll take all of the above and much more.
ALSO! My friend has a blog titled For the Lack of a Better Blog. I encourage all of you to check it out :)
-ChesterYaYa
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Today
Have you ever had one of those days where you can't remember how things got so shitty?
You know "where the fuck did the shit start?" Well today was one of those days.
It started off nice. Started filming for IQ. We didn't get several interviews, it being Easter weekend, but we did get a nice range of responses. Then I came back and had lunch or dinner with some hallmates. My friend, Grom, likes to call them the Asian Food Group and I'm a special guest. ANYwho I had lunch/dinner with them and it was fun. There's this one guy I find very interesting. I tried sparking a convo with him, didn't really succeed nevertheless it was nice. Then one of the guys, another special guest, took us on an adventure. We ended up going to his hall. Apparently he lives with Grom's friend. Problem? His friend wasn't there.
These halls have connections. Not all of them just some of them. By connections I mean some halls connect to an entirely different halls by the means of a door. The special guests being so curious decided to go to the other side. Turns out the guy from the Asian Food Group's ex girlfriend lives there. While we are wandering about some residents come asking us what is our business there. We leave BUT we've already started the butterfly effect. Poor Asian Food Group member, psycho ex will go crazy on his ass.
Once back at MY hall I start doing homework and I think that's when I realize things were already going downhill.
I'm on academic probation. I really need to do well this quarter in order to remained enrolled in this school and in the Biological Sciences department. Chemistry will be the death of me. I'm in tutoring and I studied my ass off and even then I failed my midterm. Doing my chem online homework I realize what a lost cause I am. There is no hope.
Once I realize my doom I begin to realize I need to start saving money for the possible rent of next year and for summer school. I don't have that money. I need to apply for scholarships but how the fuck am I going to win? When they mean well rounded they mean star students. I can't write for shit and my grades are worse than shit. What's worse then shit? I don't know. No wonder I never win those essays. I eventually finish laundry which I was doing upon my arrival to my hall and begin having an anxiety attack. Other than take one of those lovely pills, I decide to deal with it another way: cleaning. I start organizing my room. I realize I have some dishes to wash so I go to my kitchen. I take an extra sponge so I can clean the counter top. It's always filthy and cleaning it would be a nice way to calm down. That's when I reached rock bottom. I found my plate.
During my last relationship my ex gave me a plate and a spatula. Don't judge him, I asked for it. One day after I washed my plate and its accompanying equipment I left them on the counter top to dry. Just the other day I made an omelet and had this great idea that an omelet should be on a plate. I go to my room and notice that my plate is nowhere to be found. I just assume I left it in my room back in SD or that it had gone missing. Today I found it. I found it dirty inside a big ass fucking bowl. This is the first time I had spotted my plate for a really really long time. My conclusion? Someone took it without asking, used it and then decided to continue using it.
That was my day. The highlights or lowlights. It just sucks. Lucikly I have Radiohead and well they put stuff in perspective.
I don't even know how to mention the video. I think that might have been when my coaster track started going downhill. I saw this video, an earlier post on this blog, of a woman being brutally beat up. The thing is, to other's, the one's hitting her she wasn't a woman. She was a TRANSGENDER woman. That's what made the difference. That's what made it ok to beat this woman. Thinking back I get so angry. I feel like crying. I just can't bear to watch it happen. Or hear it. Whoever was taping the violence was laughing. How is it possible to laugh at an individual receiving such cruel treatment?
I don't even know.
-ChesterYaYa
You know "where the fuck did the shit start?" Well today was one of those days.
It started off nice. Started filming for IQ. We didn't get several interviews, it being Easter weekend, but we did get a nice range of responses. Then I came back and had lunch or dinner with some hallmates. My friend, Grom, likes to call them the Asian Food Group and I'm a special guest. ANYwho I had lunch/dinner with them and it was fun. There's this one guy I find very interesting. I tried sparking a convo with him, didn't really succeed nevertheless it was nice. Then one of the guys, another special guest, took us on an adventure. We ended up going to his hall. Apparently he lives with Grom's friend. Problem? His friend wasn't there.
These halls have connections. Not all of them just some of them. By connections I mean some halls connect to an entirely different halls by the means of a door. The special guests being so curious decided to go to the other side. Turns out the guy from the Asian Food Group's ex girlfriend lives there. While we are wandering about some residents come asking us what is our business there. We leave BUT we've already started the butterfly effect. Poor Asian Food Group member, psycho ex will go crazy on his ass.
Once back at MY hall I start doing homework and I think that's when I realize things were already going downhill.
I'm on academic probation. I really need to do well this quarter in order to remained enrolled in this school and in the Biological Sciences department. Chemistry will be the death of me. I'm in tutoring and I studied my ass off and even then I failed my midterm. Doing my chem online homework I realize what a lost cause I am. There is no hope.
Once I realize my doom I begin to realize I need to start saving money for the possible rent of next year and for summer school. I don't have that money. I need to apply for scholarships but how the fuck am I going to win? When they mean well rounded they mean star students. I can't write for shit and my grades are worse than shit. What's worse then shit? I don't know. No wonder I never win those essays. I eventually finish laundry which I was doing upon my arrival to my hall and begin having an anxiety attack. Other than take one of those lovely pills, I decide to deal with it another way: cleaning. I start organizing my room. I realize I have some dishes to wash so I go to my kitchen. I take an extra sponge so I can clean the counter top. It's always filthy and cleaning it would be a nice way to calm down. That's when I reached rock bottom. I found my plate.
During my last relationship my ex gave me a plate and a spatula. Don't judge him, I asked for it. One day after I washed my plate and its accompanying equipment I left them on the counter top to dry. Just the other day I made an omelet and had this great idea that an omelet should be on a plate. I go to my room and notice that my plate is nowhere to be found. I just assume I left it in my room back in SD or that it had gone missing. Today I found it. I found it dirty inside a big ass fucking bowl. This is the first time I had spotted my plate for a really really long time. My conclusion? Someone took it without asking, used it and then decided to continue using it.
That was my day. The highlights or lowlights. It just sucks. Lucikly I have Radiohead and well they put stuff in perspective.
I don't even know how to mention the video. I think that might have been when my coaster track started going downhill. I saw this video, an earlier post on this blog, of a woman being brutally beat up. The thing is, to other's, the one's hitting her she wasn't a woman. She was a TRANSGENDER woman. That's what made the difference. That's what made it ok to beat this woman. Thinking back I get so angry. I feel like crying. I just can't bear to watch it happen. Or hear it. Whoever was taping the violence was laughing. How is it possible to laugh at an individual receiving such cruel treatment?
I don't even know.
-ChesterYaYa
peace be with you
taken.
a piece just ripped out like an open book.
my spine now filled with an empty section,
taken away from my grasps as if it were never mine.
although each limb remains and this brain continues functioning
i am not the same.
what was taken cannot be returned, no matter how close I place it on my breast.
but a light emerges from the depth.
a light willing me to continue and take these broken pages and add new ones
i need to continue.
your plagues may be in my dreams and my reality but I must
continue.
God? A deity?
No. This is just me.
I am awake and this light may blind but keeps my eyes open.
What you have taken I will renew.
a piece just ripped out like an open book.
my spine now filled with an empty section,
taken away from my grasps as if it were never mine.
although each limb remains and this brain continues functioning
i am not the same.
what was taken cannot be returned, no matter how close I place it on my breast.
but a light emerges from the depth.
a light willing me to continue and take these broken pages and add new ones
i need to continue.
your plagues may be in my dreams and my reality but I must
continue.
God? A deity?
No. This is just me.
I am awake and this light may blind but keeps my eyes open.
What you have taken I will renew.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
UC(lame ass school) Monologues!
So my school is going to have there own version of the Vagina Monologues and I'm so excited because I'm going to be able to write my own monologue for the show! I'm so worried because my writing is terrible. I don't write well, the end.
However I am going to try my best to write a monologue this weekend. I really want it to be amazing but knowing me my excerpt will not do any justice to the real story. I'll post it up here first before I send it out to the People in Charge. That being said please please please provide feedback. If this is going to be performed I want it to be simply amazing.
Wish me good instead of ill,
-ChesterYaYa
However I am going to try my best to write a monologue this weekend. I really want it to be amazing but knowing me my excerpt will not do any justice to the real story. I'll post it up here first before I send it out to the People in Charge. That being said please please please provide feedback. If this is going to be performed I want it to be simply amazing.
Wish me good instead of ill,
-ChesterYaYa
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
"Horror films are like boot camp for the psyche. In real life, human beings are packaged in the flimsiest of packages, threatened by real and sometimes horrifying dangers, events like Columbine......but the narrative form puts theses fears into a manageable series of events. It gives us a way of thinking rationally about our fears."
-Wes Craven
Orange!
You were supposed to stay down!
Vomiting something that has a high amount of acid hurts like a bitch. It's acid from your tummy plus more acid from the original food.
Throat is now screaming.
Vomiting something that has a high amount of acid hurts like a bitch. It's acid from your tummy plus more acid from the original food.
Throat is now screaming.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Let's All Go To The Movies.
Haven't been "writing" so to those who come here for that junk, I'm sorry.
Now on another note, I love going to the movies. I love sitting there and watching the film, possibly analyzing each scene as my mind views. My favorite part, strangely enough, other than watching the movie, is watching the credits roll. Fuck the arrival and getting the popcorn, my favorite part is the after-movie-credit-roll. I really love sitting there with whoever I came with and just watching the credits go up and disappear. In a way I'm paying my respects. People just usually focus on the director, scratch that, people usually just focus on the actors. The writer, director are usually overlooked so imagine the crew.
How about that person who was holding the camera so steady or the person who edited the film. Music? Sound in general? Composer? Casting? Even now as I try my best to state as many individuals as I can, I know I am overlooking someone. Sitting in that dark theater, with or without my popcorn and watching those names move is just amazing to me. I really like doing that. Sadly most of the people I go with don't appreciate doing that. They like leaving as soon as the movie is over.
I've been dying to go to the movies. There's a small theater here that shows indie movies. Most of them are old, as in have been released a while back. I think some are even on DVD now. Needless to say I really want to go.
Those extra few seconds of credits allow my mind to capture every single moment, making sure I analyzed, understood or just enjoyed that movie. Hopefully I go this weekend :)
P.S. Feliz Dîa de Silencio :)
Now on another note, I love going to the movies. I love sitting there and watching the film, possibly analyzing each scene as my mind views. My favorite part, strangely enough, other than watching the movie, is watching the credits roll. Fuck the arrival and getting the popcorn, my favorite part is the after-movie-credit-roll. I really love sitting there with whoever I came with and just watching the credits go up and disappear. In a way I'm paying my respects. People just usually focus on the director, scratch that, people usually just focus on the actors. The writer, director are usually overlooked so imagine the crew.
How about that person who was holding the camera so steady or the person who edited the film. Music? Sound in general? Composer? Casting? Even now as I try my best to state as many individuals as I can, I know I am overlooking someone. Sitting in that dark theater, with or without my popcorn and watching those names move is just amazing to me. I really like doing that. Sadly most of the people I go with don't appreciate doing that. They like leaving as soon as the movie is over.
I've been dying to go to the movies. There's a small theater here that shows indie movies. Most of them are old, as in have been released a while back. I think some are even on DVD now. Needless to say I really want to go.
Those extra few seconds of credits allow my mind to capture every single moment, making sure I analyzed, understood or just enjoyed that movie. Hopefully I go this weekend :)
P.S. Feliz Dîa de Silencio :)
Monday, April 11, 2011
sums me up
I'm falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Faling to the depths can I ever go back
Dreaming of the way it used to be
Can you hear me?
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back
Falling inside, the black
Falling inside, falling inside the black
-Skillet
Slipping through the cracks
Faling to the depths can I ever go back
Dreaming of the way it used to be
Can you hear me?
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back
Falling inside, the black
Falling inside, falling inside the black
-Skillet
Sunday, April 10, 2011
ChLiAd Website :)
They do weddings, performances, XVs and other events. The video posted previously, wedding, was done by them. If interested or just want to see some videos, click on the link below.
http://chliadinc.blogspot.com/
http://chliadinc.blogspot.com/
Friday, April 8, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
April = Childhood Abuse Prevention Month
If you have a facebook and are reading this change your picture to some childhood show you love or put up a video about some childhood memory.
Just like V-Day this is very important to me. This is an ongoing problem and several times it goes unnoticed.
Show your support, in one way, in several ways. Just stand up for the end of this.
stats:
-In 2008, parents, acting alone or with another person, were responsible for 71.0 percent of child abuse or neglect fatalities.
Just like V-Day this is very important to me. This is an ongoing problem and several times it goes unnoticed.
Show your support, in one way, in several ways. Just stand up for the end of this.
stats:
-In 2008, parents, acting alone or with another person, were responsible for 71.0 percent of child abuse or neglect fatalities.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Forgive Me
forgive me world for I have sinned.
I've played my life into a chaotic tragedy.
Each individual taken for granted, each crumb spoiled at the hearts of others.
I've exploited your goods,
stolen from your soil and released back only harmful waste.
I hear your cries, each wail erupting from your ground.
My eyes have been tainted by myself and others.
I ask for forgiveness, these organs for sight forever tattooed with the images of my wrongdoings.
I've laughed in vain,
cured others held within my love,
wished death upon those who deserve more than nothing...
I've wished death upon myself,
Forgive each ignorant action of mine,
each breath I have stolen, each idea I have corrupted.
Forgive me for I have sinned.
I've played my life into a chaotic tragedy.
Each individual taken for granted, each crumb spoiled at the hearts of others.
I've exploited your goods,
stolen from your soil and released back only harmful waste.
I hear your cries, each wail erupting from your ground.
My eyes have been tainted by myself and others.
I ask for forgiveness, these organs for sight forever tattooed with the images of my wrongdoings.
I've laughed in vain,
cured others held within my love,
wished death upon those who deserve more than nothing...
I've wished death upon myself,
Forgive each ignorant action of mine,
each breath I have stolen, each idea I have corrupted.
Forgive me for I have sinned.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn
This hurricane's chasing us all underground
No matter how many deaths that I die, I will never forget
No matter how many lives that I live, I will never regret
There's a fire inside of this heart in a riot about to explode into flames
Where is your God? where is your God? where is your God?
-30 Seconds to Mars [Hurricane]
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