Sink or Swim

It's a slow and painful breath.

As the water pours in, my lungs try harder to send air
but the icy waves have frozen them.
I'm drowning.
I never learned how to tread.

I floated casually for 19 years. There weren't any ripples, tides, any movement until then,
the ones that existed I glided over.
The ripples grew and these waves began to hate me.
Each one I passed collided into the next. They united.
They rose against me.
They betrayed me.
I'm drowning.

All the hover boards thrown at my limp body confused me.
I can't work them.
My arms are tired, my legs are burning.
I can't float anymore.
I can't breathe anymore.

I'm drowning,
and you can't hear my screams.

Sadly Blended But Not Distinguished

I'm not brown.
I'm not black.
I'm not white.
I'm not yellow.
I'm not a mix of any color.
I'm a pasty strange color.

I don't cry on the 16th of September.
I don't have a star spangled banner in July.
I don't wear blue, white and red on the 14th of Juillet.

Rainbow flags are my flags. 
Halloween is my holiday.
Stange pale colors are my colors.

Ni de aqui, ni de alla.

My language is English. 
My ethnicity is Hispanic.
My heart is human.
My brain is human.
My blood is human.
My culture is unknown.
I am queer but not enough. I am American but not enough. I am Mexican but not enough. 

I am a blend of colors that left me undistinguished and forgotten. 

Free Write: Wincing Away

This was supposed to be my year.
I wanted to be a director for a play and president for a club. Turns out I'm just part of the crew again and basically a regular club member with a fancy name whose members don't even know. I was supposed to transfer to another major, find a new school interest. Instead, I got kicked out of university and now I'm going to a community college oh and my classes are taught by incompetent "professors". I was supposed to be in an amazing relationship instead I was dumped and left as the best-friend-that-wants-more.
I'm working at a place where I've "reached a wall" and consequently can't get any faster. My "friends" have forgotten me. I'm tired and sick and the pain in my breasts and back won't go away. The only thing I can do is crawl up in a little ball, wrap myself in my covers and pretend that somehow this is what I wanted and that everything is going fine, that in this tiny corner inside my head there is a Chester-Ya-Ya that is happy and is a lead director and is president of a club and is one of the best employees and is not sick and is in a phenomenal relationship. Somewhere inside my head I'm 100% fine.


-ChesterYaYa

Ouch

It's the car crash.
It's the glass breaking.
It's the realization that a torn paper will never be whole once again.
It's the lie that was told. Yes, it hurt.
It's a basic understanding that things don't happen for a reason.
It's realizing that plates close to the edge fall.
It's the sad heart.
It's the lonely person.
It's knowing that there will never be a unification.
It's the bad ending to a beautiful story.
It's life.