Pontius Pilate (This is Flight or Fight)

This isn't car oil.

This isn't a red scribble.

Water, soap, degreasers or any surfactants cocktails will not suffice. 

Esto es muy diferente.

Rewind.

There was a text, a call, and a goodbye.

Proceed.

Not a second passed before a gran retreat.

Hesitation, not there. Just fear.

The consequences and possible actions were too much. 

It was more than a retreat. It was a flee. 

Reaction. 

Though scrub you will, the misdeed will remain. 

Ignorantes serán, pero ella nunca olvidara, aunque quiera. 

Pain. Disappointment. 

This is running away. 

This is flight.

Parts and Phone Calls

Don't get caught up in the nasty particulars.
Time will continue to move forward regardless of your mental state.
There are many shades, there are many events, there will be more.
Waiting on an explanation, waiting on a second try, waiting, plain and simple waiting will hold you back.
The nasty particulars will never go away.
They won't cease to infiltrate your brain.
The questions and what ifs will linger.
Emotions don't end.
Closure will not arrive if that is what is sought.
Don't get caught up in the near memories.
Scents will disappear, pictures will fade.
& one day, perhaps not today, perhaps not anytime soon, this pain will be useful.
It won't be a wedge. No.
It will be more than the bad and grow into something beautiful.
Don't get caught up in the nasty particulars.

Free Write: The Outpour

This month has been incredibly emotionally overwhelming for me. My situation at home has worsened. My personal life has in a way, dwindled. There has been so much that has occurred in the past few weeks that I am not sure what to make of it all. I don't exactly have an outlet for these sort of things anymore so once again, my blog comes handy. I enjoy writing but eventually my hands can not  scribble out the emotions or words quickly enough and anxiety ensues. Oh yeah, my anxiety has definitely worsened. I drive more so that doesn't help.

Enough ranting. Ranting can only do so much. The only way there can be progress is if there is action. In the following months I hope to increase my mental well-being. This blog can't hold up so much negativity and sadness, it needs to bloom into something more productive.


-ChesterYaYa

V-Day UCI

Trigger Warning: Assault, Rape, Abuse. 

-1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18. (http://www.woar.org)
-25% of women and 16% of men have been sexually abused as children (Dube, Withfield, & Felitti, 2005)

What frightens me the most is knowing that 60% of assaults are not reported to the police. Mine wasn't. So, what really are the numbers? How frequent does this happen? 

If you are a survivor, I applaud your strength. I know it may be hard to continue looking for the good in the world, and I'm sorry anything like this happened to you. It's not ok. It's not alright. It's not your fault. AND IT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN TO ANYONE. EVER. 

It's our turn to rise. 

I will be rising with my V-Day family this month at our annual production of The Vagina Monologues. Our proceeds will support awareness and funds for anti-violence groups within our community of Irvine. 

Find out more at vdayuci.com