Monologue 1: coming clean

You treat me like a kid because I am a kid. And I'll always be a kid to you.
That isn't going to drastically change one day. It will always be the same.
And....
I act like this because it's easier to hate than to love. Loving someone means that you have to put up with their shit and try to understand them.  Hating someone,..that's that's just different.
You can simply walk away.
Be rude.
Not give two shits.
I've decided.

I hate my ways, I've tried to change.                   I honestly have. I know me being in this position makes it seem like I haven't but I have. I've tried to change but I can't. Over & over & over.
No success.
 
I'm just a scared little kid. I'm scared about 80% of the fucking time.What's going to happen? How do I know this? You know those compulsive crazy thoughts. Terrible things they are.

I'm just so scared.
My place on this earth has brought more bad than good. I mean look I'm holding a fucking knife.
It's not pointed at me. It's pointed at you. At all the bitches in this world.
People remember the bad....and that's what I bring.


And that's why I want to die.

But get this. I'm such a coward I can't even do that. I can't even point this blade at myself. That's why I leave my thoughts to that. I picture my own suicide.  I find comfort in my own death.
Now, let's get this over with. You're starting to squirm.