lo quiero

letters to personas

Dear Anaiz,
What are you trying to do?

Anaiz:
AVOIDING HUMAN CONTACT!

Monologue 3: Out

I want them out.
I don't care if they are benign pieces of clumped up cells. I want them out.
I don't want them to even have the possibility to turn malignant. It's her liver! Get a fucking scalpel and start surgery.
This is what I want.
I want her to go a day without pain. I know,... that is one request very uneasy to answer.
But fuck. I mean her life has been one living hell. Abuse. Rejection. Reliance.
Just give her one fucking day without out any morbid pain. Emotional flashbacks. Distress just stop.

But let her live. Don't end her suffering by taking her life.
I ask you dear Life to not let Death sneak up upon her and steal away her breath. Not now. She may still be breathing but she is not dead living. Dear life just take away the pain. I know you can.
She may believe in the heavens but I know better than that. I ask Life. Not some supreme being for help. Life. Just take it away. The pain.
Take out those stupid cells that cause her excruciating pain. Take out those memories that frighten her at night. Remove her doubts of being a beautiful, amazing woman I love to call Mommas. Just get rid of that shit.
San Diego needs her. Mexico needs her. Earth needs her. I NEED HER!
Let her stay. I ask you Life. I ask you Death. I ask you Doctors and Science to find some way to help her.

Love,
a grieving student.

This isn't me.
This isn't you.
When it's just everything we do.
Till you open up your eyes
and understand this isn't real.

   -Sum 41

laugh I nearly died.

Time to semi vent. Wait no....time to be narcissistic :)
Soooooo, I cut my bangs. Got a bang cut. Problem? I regret it. First time I regret doing anything to my hair.
I didn't do much today but for some reason I feel accomplished. It's weird. I skipped classes. Woke up late for my first class then I decided at 9:15 AM (yes only fifteen minutes after my class started) that I didn't want to go to any of my other classes. HOWEVER!!! I had a study session with people from my hall. Midterm was at 7. Chicano Latino Studies, fuck you kindly.
Then I went to the Vagina Monologues. The show opens tomorrow :) I'm so excited!

And I'm running on a Maruchan and some Chex Mix.
Compliment of the day...shit I can't remember. Now time to have a tasty beverage. I think I deserve one for carrying the set parts even though I enjoyed it :)

Broham drives

[After a sharp turn.]
Me:I'm driving with a crazy person!
Bro: You're crazy? Yes.
Me: No, I'm in the passenger seat. You're in the drivver seat so your the crazy person!
Bro: No.....
[A rolling stop followed by a sharp turn.]
Me: I'm DRIVING WITH A CRAZY PERSON!!

I love my Broham :)

G.E.R.D

just let me eat
please
i'm tired of this shit,
just let me eat

applying :)

http://www.oneheartsource.org/volunteer/index.html

if not this year then next year :)

Resurrection

scrambled

over easy for the second but soon to be scrambled
on a pan that withstands 200 °C, I burn.
first my edges,
then my yolk begins to brighten,
then my albumen changes.
from clear to complete white,
but my preparation doesn't end there.
i'm still on the pan.
hit with wood forcing me to change,
but it's ripping me apart.
i'm just a mix now.
yellow and white.
some burnt edges.
over easy for a second and now i'm dead.

Compliments

[regarding a photo of mine on facebook]

Jason Codding: Heavenly glow? :3
Me: Sure...
Jason Codding: Haha
Jason Codding:Would that make u an angel?
Me: Nay, I be just [hu]man.
Jason Codding: Haha, then y is heaven;y light upon u? :3
Me: It was a new light bulb >_<
Jason Codding: Given 2 u by an angel! That fell head over heels in love wif u!
Wow... 2 b beautiful enough 2 knock angels out of the sky... 0.0
Me: Awww, that's going up on my blog.

Lil Jason, thank you.

impressions that I get

hypocritical
every other word creates a paradox, a little box that entraps me.
liar, specifically over exaggerates
blame the imagination, it was always encouraged.
stupid and ignorant
it's the virgin eyes and ears,
traveling and experimentation may help.
caring
culture leads to caring, part of my tradition.
insane
genes and society.
unsatisfied....
i'll get back to you on that
bitchy because of nature?
nay, bitchy because of cynicism.
blame the world.
pretty, it's the cheekbones and simple dimple
the freckles add to the picture.

it's the impression that i get.

very sad

I just ate my last bag of Funyuns.
I think I'm going to cry.
I'm very tempted to run to Albertsons just to get some more.

FUNYUNS I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Peach love

stop crying your heart out

carry me on these wings
carry me on this face
assume what you may
sad
mad
annoyance
but primarily happiness
carry this face
this mask at all glance
assume what you may
i can't complain
one mask causes those thoughts
what i carry is what you see
so i'll stop crying

big D

Forget me.
  Forget me now.
  Not later,
now.
The sooner you forget
the easier.
Understanding isn't an option.
 Impossible.
Part of the list on the papers given and research done.

I won't stand here.
These drapes don't block sound and frankly I don't want to hear the groans.
  I can't.
So forget me now.
I don't want to be a memory, just an action.

Conversation with my Daddy :)

Dad: Can't you tell it's a pyramid?
Me: It's not a pyramid. Then why are there lasers?
Dad: Because the martians came to attack it.
Me: Whaat?! Because the martians came to attack it?!
Dad: Yeah..... I had to think of something quick! It wasn't good?
Me: Nope.


Among the sadness this convo erupted. I'm glad I went with them.

I wasn't ready for that.

They had just given my Grandpa a shower. The nurse had pulled the curtains around his bed so she could put on his lotion without him being visible to us[brother and I].
He had just been acting up, arguing with my Dad. Then he said it,
"Adan, donde estoy?"


I wasn't ready for that.
I knew those words were coming but I wasn't ready to hear him utter them.

Lesson One on How to Survive a Slasher Situation

If you see big scary looking house and are stranded,
DON'T ENTER!!!!!!

Grandps

Going to see Grandpa.

What do you take to an elderly who's close to death?


I think I'm gonna go with Girl Scout cookies. Apparently everyone loves them.

Be back tomorrow. :/

our last convo

Mr. R: Don't go out with a punk asshole?
Lechugita: What's wrong with punk assholes?
Mr. R: They're fucking generic.

my new obsession

• The number of people dying from sepsis has almost doubled in the past 20 years. This is most likely due to the increased number of patients who suffer from sepsis. The number of patients who develop sepsis has increased for many reasons.
• Because antibiotic use has increased, many strains of bacteria have become resistant to antibiotics, making the treatment of sepsis more difficult in some cases.
• A change in mental status and hyperventilation may be the earliest signs of sepsis.
• Sepsis is often life threatening, especially in people with a weakened immune system or with a chronic illness.
• Confusion, disorientation, and agitation may be seen as well as dizziness and decreased urination.
• You may also develop pain in the joints at your wrists, elbows, back, hips, knees, and ankles.
• For elderly people with many illnesses or for those whose immune system is not working well because of illness or certain medications and sepsis is advanced, the death rate may be as high as 80%.

That was the last thing I read before running to Bubu's room.
Who would have thought I'd cry for him.

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/sepsis_blood_infection/article_em.htm
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001687

Sepsis

My grandpa has been diagnosed with Sepsis.
He's in the hospital.
It's weird, I'm not sad, I just don't want him to suffer.


http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001687

Hello, we meet again

Hello GERD,

I see we meet again. Not satisfied with 3 weeks of torture I see. Thanks for coming back,
I missed you you little fucker.

Grrr.

You better watch your tongue Missy,

 I'm gonna wrangle it.

  - Chet Stevens