chaos in the nest

stick a cigarette in between these lips and walk away.
lie to me and bring me hope,
close my eyes and tell me I will breathe next morning.
make the fear of sleep disappear,
make the fear of being alive disappear.
create money for me.
fill every inch of space in this home with American Dollars
fill these eyes with knowledge and power.
stick a cigarette in my mouth and watch me blow
watch these ashes spin with the wind,
watch us all erode.
take this stub and give me another.
leave him alone, give the boy a break.
the fall of these pillars were not man made.
throw it away,
throw away the disease, each bottle, each pill
wipe out each pain

all these actions wanted
all but one feared.
disease to be human, curse to be born, damnation to live, gift to die

"It's far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring."

     -Carl Sagan

Free Write: First Concert of the Summer

The reason I enjoy summer is because I get to go watch some bands. I love concerts. Usually the only ones I attend during summer are the Del Mar 4 0'clock Friday shows but this time I actually went to something new.
I went to The House of Blues and watched Taking Back Sunday. Their openers were The New Regime, Colour Revolt and Thursday. I liked the Colour Revolt. They had this Pixies influenced vibe. Thursday was awesome, and I'm not even a huge Thursday fan. I don't really listen to Taking Back Sunday either >_<
Anywho, I really enjoyed watching Thursday. They seemed to be having so much fun out there. I definitely would love to see them again.
Overall, not my favorite show but I loved being able to dance around to the emo music :)
Best thing out of the concert was getting me to listen to Straylight Run again.
 -ChesterYaYa

"This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased."

   -Charles Dickens

Free Write: Bra shopping

WARNING! TooMuchInfo:
It's sad to say that my bra size can only be found in the little girl section :/

I accept my body. I honestly do. I just don't appreciate the fact that designers are too...narrow minded.  AND this doesn't just apply to me. Several girls don't fit into a distinct category. The fact that designers make clothing that is very cookie-cut, so to say, is very frustrating. Today I wanted to buy a bra and I couldn't find any pretty bras that I liked because they were all too big. I had to decide between either getting a bra too big that I liked or a bra that fit me and had Barney or sayings like GIRLS ROCK,BOYS DROOL or not buying any at all. I decided on the latter. The worst part is that so many girls are affected by this. They fear not being able to fit into these select sizes is judgement on their beauty. Why does a size have to measure our beauty? I proudly accept my body. Now designers you better start listening. So with that said I leave this image I stole off the interweb.

 -ChesterYaYa

 

I'm Sorry

I curse this ephemeral body.
This body that embraces a mind that shuts off once death appears. I curse this body for dying. 
I am worthless. Powerless.
Nothing can be done to cease this aging process, nothing can be done to become interminable. This mind will disappear.
I curse you for giving me the power to see, the power to hear, the power to taste and smell and change lives. 
I curse you for giving me wonders and then ripping them  from me. 
I curse you for providing fear an wonder, lack of knowledge and wisdom. 
I curse you Life. I curse you Creation for damming me.
I no sooner grow younger than the ducks in the pond.
I curse you Life.

monster in my blood

I'm in love with a monster.
A sly, nice, loveable monster.

He sleeps in this den,
Eats from these riches.
His pain is felt everyday,
The pain he caused;
the bruises, the laughs, the torments, the tears.
The blood,
They all echo in this cage.
With increasing age the beast inside seems to grow timid and weak
But we know better than to trust age.
The beast sleeps, that is all, but he is alive.

And we cry,
Cry in fear of what you have done and what you could do.

Aware of all your evil,
I still love you.

"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you."

          -Silent Bob (Clerks)

Free Write: There is a Stranger in my House

Today my ex-boyfriend/friend came over. He let me borrow a movie: Just Go With It.
It's funny how we can still joke around and not hate each other's guts. Even though my mom feels weird about it I honestly don't care too much about her worries or weird feelings. It's nice to know I can be civil with one of them. :)
I'm glad I'm still friends with him, I mean come on, I showed him the great Tarantino films.
Oh and I call him Stranger 'cause that's how we met, as strangers and we dubbed each other Stranger. I still call him that. It just feel right jaja
-ChesterYaYa

To everything from my school excluding I.Q. and a couple of humans

convo with a new friend

This convo regarded close friends and how difficult it can be to find them.

Me: Yeah...You'll find those friends.
Christian: haha i doubt it. ill find one for sure, but that would be love interest

                 i guess

                 ill find a friend

                who wil also be my lover

                haha

                all i need is one

Me: Those are the best!

       The ones tht are best friends and lovers.

       super awesome

       'cause you can fuck them!

       jajaja

 

[please excuse the incorrect grammar]

like a bullet through a flock of doves

aged eyes and cracked skins,
torn lips and bloody fire.
souls ripped apart from the very start,
but we try.
through piercing glances and heartless hellos we try.
past the deserts and the savannas,
the shade and the rain, all the glorious paths of this world,
we trod on.
hearts in hand
we look back but carry on
as bitter we may be our hearts still glow.
bruised and poked, our bodies carry on.
throw the insults, one of us will remain.
send us away.
condemn us.
but understand
an army of 50 bodies still remain in the heart of 1

Totally getting this for my future babies

my babies are going to be rockers :)

let's broaden our minds :)

black mascara and paintbrushes

and that's when something inside me snapped
i heard it pop
heard it crackle
heard it burst into five millions little pieces
after all of these falls I had finally been trampled on all over again
my hope vanished
all I wanted was to sleep and not wake up for weeks

you hurt me, again
and this time I didn't see it coming
you fooled me, i can't rely on someone, especially you

excuse me while I cry

Free Write: Mister

I really don't appreciate you ignoring me especially since you said you were going to help me. If you're busy it'd be much better if you just let me know, instead of having me in the dark.
-ChesterYaYa

Ciro the Great and Priscilla the Lovely

I love being abducted by them. I always have so much fun. With them I don't have to drink because I know either way I will enjoy my fucking time.
I can watch terrible movies with them and still enjoy their company.
-ChesterYaYa

"Let us move now from the practical how to the theoretical why: Why should we love our enemies? The first reason is fairly obvious. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence and toughness multiples toughness in a descending spiral of destruction."

           M.L.K Jr

Much Love&Respect

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-13598607

bottom of a bottle

These pills were swallowed &
now each has escaped my hands &
jumped to the fiery pit.
Tea, crumpets &
sopa de conchitas will follow suit.
Bubbles &
bile accompany them all.

These pills disappear with the rest of the acidic solution.
The aches will return, each &
every one of them.
&
I will fall.
I will fall into my very own grave.

The tea will be alone &
the soup will be cold &
I will fade.

Excuse Me Sir

..I think I just coughed up my lung.

castaway

No worries.
I should have known this ship was bound to become a legendary tale.
Although my intentions were pure, yours remain an enigma.

I get caught in the riptide. Your riptide.

I may know the seas.
Know each wave, each cave, each cove
but your siren call gets me each time.

Knowing of the despair ahead, I tread on.
Your wisdom and cunning ways steer my vessel.
Your Godly smile attracts the faintest glow in my eyes.

My demise?
Well if that is what you want then I cannot deny the beautiful grace you give me tonight.

I love I.Q.

Today was pass down. It was a short "ceremony" in which this year's board members passed down the roles to next year board members.
I have to say, I.Q is amazing. If there is anything and I mean anything I like from this dreadful place, it's I.Q. They make me happy. At times I feel out of the loop but still, being around them makes me smile.
Part of the "ceremony" today was telling each member from current and next year's board what you liked about them. Apparently people like me. Yaay.

this was my reaction in my head





Oh and thank you Amanda for almost making me cry >_<

20 to 10

I bet you didn't know that.
I bet you didn't know that I just vomited four times. Once in my room and three times in the bathroom. Stop craving my body.
So, stop worrying about weight. It may be a number but it doesn't measure how great of a person you are, how smart, how funny, how spontaneous, how intuitive or how strong you are.
You're beautiful, you're amazing.
I may weigh less than 150 but that doesn't mean I'm happy or healthy.
If you want to loose weight do it because you want to loose weight alone and not gain anything else.
And that's the problem people loose weight and gain so much.  When people loose weight they start showing these basic instincts they had buried all this time.
The bitch in them. The asshole. The over confident person.
You don't automatically get beautiful because you loose 20, 50 lbs but apparently you automatically gain ten pounds of ugly.
I'm not encouraging you to maintain your overweight body, I'm just letting you know that being skinny isn't necessarily better. If you say it's better because you're healthier then I'm walking proof showing you're wrong.