Rag doll

She was pretty.
She was a young lady from Mexico, grown into naivety.
So she believed him.
She believed him when he said he'd stop,
stop the drinking, stop the smoking, stop the hitting.
She believed him.
He continued but she believed that one day, he'd just quit.
One day he came home late.
He'd been sober the entire week, she thought this time, this time was different.
He was drunk.
She hid,
he found her.
He kissed her, he touched her, then he took her to bed, but she got away...
...not soon enough.
But as she was running away from him she felt his arm try to grab her.
He pulled something.
She limped into the bathroom, wedging herself behind the door.
She had heard a pop, a loud pop but she didn't know why.
Then she looked at her leg.
Her left leg now resembled her right,
but it wasn't polio this time.
It was limp, frail.
It hurt.
She was crying, maybe from the fright, maybe from the pain, she didn't know.
As she was panting she heard Him on the other side of the door.
"Sal, por favor. No te quise hacer daño. No fue mi intención. Sal por favor."
"No, me jalaste mi pierna. No la puedo mover."
"Sal, sal por favor. No te voy hacer nada. Te suplico, sal. Perdoname."
So she came out.
She believed him once again,
but once she was outside, he pulled her hair,
Dragged her to his bed and fucked her.
He didn't listen to her cries, her little fists beating on his side pleasing him to stop,
he didn't listen.
She was a rag doll now.
She was his rag doll.

Stats from a flier..

• In the U.S 1.3 women are raped every minutes. This means 78 rapes each hour, 1,872 rapes each day, 56,160 rapes each month and 683,280 rapes each year.
• Approximately 90% of rape survivors know their attacker.
• One in four college women are survivors of rape or attempted rape.
• 65% of attacks are unreported, making sexual assault the "silent epidemic." Sexual assault is the most drastically under-reported crime.
• 43% of college-aged men admitted to using coercive behavior to have sex (including ignoring a woman's protest, using physical aggression, and forcing intercourse).

 I found these in a flier, thought I'd share them.

Free Write: So Long Astoria

Today was my last night in San Diego. The day before, Thursday was great, really great. Saw some friends, actually had one friend come by and say adieu before I left. Had another come over and together we visited two of our high school teachers. I even saw a midnight movie, best part was that my crush came along. Today, Friday my brother asked if me and him were together. We were in a friend's car. I said no. It's the truth. Good thing I looked away when I answered. Looking down at my phone he didn't get to see my lip tremble or the small droplet forming in the corner of my eyes.
-ChesterYaYa

Tropy and Sickly Convo

Tropy: So whats goody with whos your boyfriend now a days? oo; just wondering?
Sickly: I have a boyfriend?! Who?! Jaja. I didnt even know.
Tropy: I always assume beauty ladies are taken haha, your no exception to that. Rolling single than. :x
Sickly: Aww jajaja why thank you!
Tropy: Lol, that sounds all stupid when i think about it. But im serious  though. ;x when do i get a chance to tap that. Haha
Sickly: Jajajajaja.
Tropy: Im jus saying, ;x no ones handlin ya. Might as well be me.
Sickly: Aww. That actually came out sweet.

[These are the convos  I have with Tropy. I always feel bad for not sharing that mutual affection. He'll find a great girl one day.]

Sonnet 130

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red ;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
  -Shakespeare

Three Generations.

There was a Toad, a Froglet and a Tadpole.
Together they shared blood and sometimes a home.
Over years Toad grew into a tadpole and Froglet was stuck.
As much as Froglet tried escaping from grasp of a froglet, 'twas impossible.
Tadpole grew older but,
one day Toad needed blood and blood came.
First was Froglet but left too soon,
then was Tadpole who never left.
Tadpole took care of Toad and Froglet.
But neither showed any sign of gratitude.
When angry Toad would turn into a goblin.
Goblin face and arms.
But when frightened he would cower into a gnome.
Froglet, stuck in the stage showed signs of froglet and tadpole and toad;
never really here, never really there.
Tadpole skipped the age of froglet.
His croak was beautiful, his riches were strength and kindness.
Oldest of the three, Tadpole saw Toad become a lump.
Sooner than expected Toad died and so did Tadpole'
his heart would beat but his croak ended.
Only Froglet remained intact, Tadpole was confined to his stump.
Froglet continued to drain Tadpole of the riches he held, his strength and kindness.
Then Froglet died and Tadpole was left alone.
Tadpole was alone, alone at last.
There was nothing left.
Froglet and Toad had left nothing for Tadpole,
so he died.

San Diego Pride <3

Free Write: Tell Me That It's Alright

I get scared quite often. Mostly at night, or anytime I'm left alone with my thoughts. I have to be constantly doing something. I read, watch movies, watch shows. Been avoiding writing since that's when I usually have those dark scary thoughts come up.
I'm different. I greatly fear death. I honestly do. Greatest fear. Once I start thinking about it I get his ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes I end up vomiting. Sometimes I cry. See I can't be like the rest of you and simply accept death. I can't accept the truth of life.
It doesn't help to be an atheist. I wish I believed. It'd be so much more comforting to think of dying and going to a place where souls burn or a place where souls dance with glee but I can't believe in such foolishness. I don't mean to offend those who are "believers" and I'm sorry if I do.
I've been really scared lately. I go to sleep afraid I won't wake up.
 And so fa, each time I have I give that great sigh of relief. That breath of life.
I cry. I fear never seeing my Mother again. I fear her not waking up. I never want to have my brother or mother so far from me. I say "I love you" everyday on case I don't wake up.
I'm scared.
I have hate the face that each moment is lost. None can forever stay. None can be held. Just right now, the previous words I have typed, the action cannot be undone. I hate it. I hugged my Mother so much today. I didn't wan to loose the moment so I hugged her for minutes.
Lately I've been listening to music before going to bed. It keeps me from thinking about death. I have to keep doing something. Anything will do.
 -ChesterYaYa

Rape & Condoms

Creation of the Female Condom with Teeth

"It's also a form of "enslavement. The fears surrounding the victim, the act of wearing the condom in anticipation of being assaulted all represent enslavement that no woman should be subjected to."
  -Kajja

Eyeliner, rhinestones and sobriety

Free Write: The Summer Sorries and Day Two

Day Two:

My Dad didn't let me go out today and he made me come home by 11 last night. I understand his logic. He cares so he doesn't want me to be anywhere near danger therefore outside is a no no.
The situation with Granps isn't any better. Called my Brother and he seems better, not as stressed.
On the fourth I went out. That's the day I had to come back early. Something amazing happened that day. Someone who had hurt me said sorry. I think that's one of the greatest feelings I have ever felt. Whenever someone hurts you and they ask for your forgiveness or just simply say "sorry", they're acknowledging that fact that they have done wrong. Those few moments of "sorry" are so amazing. I really felt a sense of ease.
A lover came to see me today. It was nice. At times I think it could really work out between him and I but then I think it over and I know it's all an illusion. A nice illusion but an illusion nevertheless. Whenever he just randomly calls me to talk or randomly sends me texts messages I feel good. This little flurry of butterflies is felt in the pit of my body, like I said a nice illusion.
Writing will hopefully start again soon. I keep on having random bursts of inspiration. These little waves of words that seem to be perfectly strung together but they die out quickly or else I forget to write them down or type them.
Happy Day Day everyone.
 -ChesterYaYa

" Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative."

        -Billy (Skeet Ulrich; Scream)

Free Write: The DevoSeparation

Day One

I like it when my Mom goes away. I know that the situation between my Mom and Dad isn't good, so when she goes away for awhile it gives me the opportunity to see how life would be if I have to choose.
If everything goes well, which it won't, my parents will get a divorce. If I choose my Dad, it's going to be hell. If I choose my Mother, it's going to be depressing. Having days like these where so has to go away for certain reasons is nice. It's hard but I know the point of it.
So far Dad has already got on my nerves but so far no arguments which is good. Hopefully it stays like this until they get back.

-ChesterYaYa

An Interview with Harrison Ford

Q: Would you give the fedora over to Shia LaBeouf in the next Indiana Jones movie?

A: What are you talking about? It's mine. I would love to do another Indiana Jones movie. George Lucas is working on an idea now. Shia can get his own hat. I earned that hat.

I loved his answer :)

Late Nate Convos: The Duchess and the Friend

"everything we were, everything we did, all the struggles once faced, the love and family they one had, in the end. Become obsolete."
    -Friend