Free Write: One Day

Hundreds of tiny thoughts rush around in my brain. It's part of the anxiety I deal with. I use to think it was the way everyone thought. Turns out, it isn't.

These past two months have been tough. Consequently, my "regular" thoughts have changed into something more cynical. There is hope, which I greatly hold on to, but 70% of the thoughts are cynical. 

Maybe, one day, he'll be proud. Maybe, one day, he won't be rude. Maybe, one day, he'll act differently. Maybe, one day, they will love each other again. Maybe, one day, I won't be afraid. Maybe, one day, he'll reach out to me again. Maybe, one day, it won't hurt. Maybe, one day, I won't reach for the phone to call someone that has left. Maybe, one day, the acne will be gone. Maybe, one day, my back will stop hurting. Maybe, one day, my paycheck won't be so low. Maybe, one day, school will be easier. Maybe, one day, I won't worry so much. Maybe, one day, I'll find the necklace.

I've been in this constant limbo. Ups. Downs. I want to laugh but my body and mind crave sleep. I want to smile forever but I turn to the left and hide the tears. I live somewhere in-between the two extremes. It's a little empty but it could be worse. 

I know it will get better. I am confident that it will be. 

Onward I have to go.

-ChesterYaYa